Sometimes all it takes is a change in attitude to deliver us from difficulties.

Some years ago, I found myself in an internal conflict over a situation with one of my  clients. Although I cannot remember what it was about, at that time it was of such importance that it was holding my attention and imagination hostage. What I do remember is, whatever it was I wanted was not available to me at that time.

So there I was, rolling down the freeway in the clutches of the aggravation and attachment to my desired outcome. Having worked myself up into a froth of frustration, I finally remembered I could ask for help.

“Please,”  I assailed my Source, “Help me! I can’t figure out how to resolve this. What am I supposed to do? Give me a sign!”

Just then, my exit presented itself and I as I veered off the freeway and around a sweeping curve to merge into a boulevard of traffic, there to my right was a red and white triangular sign that simply said . . . Yield.

It was another block or two before the full impact of the message blossomed in my mind. Stunned into stillness by the subtle simplicity of its wisdom, I was able to let go of the way I thought things should be and be with the way things were. As my mind floated free from resistance, my whole body relaxed and a sense of relief and hopefulness flooded through me. Yield! Ah so.

To this day, I am unable to remember the factual content of this conflict to include in this story. But as it turns out, the story is not about the content. The story is about the process. Once I was able to yield my position as an opposing force, of pushing against the other person’s position, I was free to consider other possibilities. Those included a number of different solutions and outcomes and also the option of simply waiting until a resolution I hadn’t thought of came my way.

The esoteric science of Alchemy offers us the principle,  “Tertium non datur,” which translates as “The third thing is not given.” I interpret this as meaning that on the level at which a conflict or opposition arises, the solution is not available. One must step aside, yield as it were, to release the pressure of pushing against the other, to release the need to defend or aggress.

This yielding is not a giving up or resigning ourselves to loss or failure. It is a position of fluidity that allows us new perspectives. This in turn allows us to access our Fair Witness, who, free from judgment, is able to entertain all possibilities and who has the broad vision to help us seek a wise resolution.

Once there, we can feel safe enough to open our hearts to compassion, for ourselves and the other, and to access the courage to change. Once there, we can give up our small desires for some larger solution, something with benefit for all.

As we enter the 21st century, riding high on the edge of the Information Age, we find ourselves in an era of unlimited possibilities. We have access to more information than at any other time in history. We receive daily communications from all over the world, many of them contradictory. We receive offers on radio, television and the internet, in the mail and in the mall, most of them unrealistic.
We are exhorted to purchase, to consume, to give, to join. We are offered beauty, status, riches and pleasure. We are told that with the right toothpaste, designer suits and cellular phones, we will acquire power, success and love. The message is, whatever we can imagine, we can have . . . somehow.

In my years as a professional organizer, I have observed that human beings are not well suited to unlimited possibilities. Living without boundaries on a daily basis produces anxiety, insecurity and frustration. Without a clear definition of how we choose to spend our time, we fall prey to every interesting outside stimulus, and are easily caught in the ‘webb’ and flow of the urgent but not important. We are spread too thin, often practicing crisis management, and everything never gets done.

Recreation becomes another thing to do and is quickly set aside when deadlines demand. We get to rest if we get the flu. And spending time doing nothing is often viewed as suspicious if not downright immoral. Even when we manage to steal a few hours for ourselves, we are pursued by anxiety and guilt. When all options are constantly available, little can be accomplished in depth or with a sense of well being, and over a period of time depression and exhaustion can result.

When I sit with clients as they look over their lists and schedules, struggling to select their priorities, I realize that our choices are no longer between good and bad, want and don’t want, or even better and best. Most of the things we want are the best, but are simply too much and too many for a single lifetime.

I believe that we can derive satisfaction and contentment from our lives only if we set limits for ourselves. If they are natural and comfortable, compassionate and realistic, they will produce results and will be easy to endure. If they arise from a value system which honors those things which fulfill us in the deepest sense of our being, they will inspire us and bring us joy.

The paradox is that by choosing limits, we can experience a measure of freedom not possible when all possibilities are constantly available.

© 1990, 2009 Anacaria Myrrha ~ All Rights Reserved

Sometimes there are days when we simply don’t feel well. When we are restless, tired, depressed. When we are suffering from undefined, random discontent.

Here are lists of some of my remedies. Different approaches work at different times. When I am in a funk, I look them over and choose, not what I think I need, but rather what will nourish me at that time.

To Reduce Stimulation

• Turn off the TV, radio, computer.
• Turn down lights.
• Turn up candles.
• Seek solitude.
• Get quiet.

To Increase Stimulation

• Play music.
• See a movie.
• Call a friend or friends.
• Get together.
• Laugh, sing, dance.

For Nourishment

• Take a warm bath.
• Eat something both good and good for you.
• Read something funny, interesting, inspiring.
• Take a walk.
• Take a nap.
• Get a good night’s sleep. Get two.
• Extend a kindness to someone else.

And Always

• Breathe deeply.
• Pray.
• Ask for guidance, & listen.
• Give thanks to everyone for everything.

Start a list of what works for you. Then, when you forget, you can get it out and be reminded. Remember, our forgetting function is very highly evolved!

Excerpted from An Invitation to An Extraordinary Life
© 2009 Anacaria Myrrha ~ All Rights Reserved

From time to time, we may get caught up in a cycle of regret, remorse or resentment. These states of being drag us into the mire of negativity and drain our resources.

Here’s a simple affirmation to help free you up. I don’t know where it came from but I thank those who created it and those who made me aware of it, for I find it has fierce healing power.

I forgive myself  for all those things for which I need forgiveness.

I forgive all those who need my forgiveness.

I ask forgiveness from all those whose forgiveness I need.

Repeated in sets of three, it gains power and momentum.

When you are saying it, allow transgressions to arise and be forgiven. Visualize those with whom you are in resentment or remorse and open yourself to mercy, for yourself and for them. Be willing to allow forgiveness to happen. If your heart will not yet open sufficiently to allow it, ask your Source to allow the forgiveness for you until you are able to do it.

Notice what happens. Notice the feelings that arise. Notice where you close, where you are able to open.

Breathe.

Keep making space for it all.

Keep letting go.

Regular practice of forgiveness increases our capacity for happiness.

Excerpted from An Invitation to An Extraordinary Life
©  2009 Anacaria Myrrha ~ All Rights Reserved

“Be glad of life because it gives you a chance to live and to work and to play and to look up at the stars.”

Henry Van Dyke
1852-1933
American clergyman, educator, author

“In life we cannot avoid change, we cannot avoid loss. Freedom and happiness are found in the flexibility and ease with which we move through change.”

Jack Kornfield, Buddha’s Little Instruction Book

The one thing in this world of which we can be certain is that all things are in a state of constant change. The stock market goes up – and down. The kids get the flu – and get well. The seasons come – and go. People are born – and die. Every day we are challenged to find ways to remain stable and functional through these changes.

Several years ago, when someone asked me to articulate the benefits of being organized, I came up with the usual list. When we are organized we save time and energy. We have reliable access to tools, information, documents and possessions. We experience an increase in clarity, creativity, productivity, and effectiveness. We feel less stressed and anxious, and we find ourselves surrounded by a more aesthetically pleasing environment. And if we have planned accordingly, we have guilt free time to rest, relax and play.

Later, as I contemplated this list, I realized that these were results of being organized. But the questions that kept arising in my mind were, why and how? During my ruminations, I turned, as I often do, to my dictionary and found this definition: “to organize: to put together into an orderly, functional, structured whole.”

When we create an orderly, functional structure, whether it be a reliable filing system, a realistic spending plan or a compassionate schedule of self-care, we provide ourselves with the possibility of harmonious interplay within a world of constant movement and change. The kitchen is organized and easy to use so that when stocked with good food, we can feed ourselves easily and well. The laundry can be easily done so that we can quickly clothe ourselves for the tasks of the day without stress. The children’s homework and field trip permission slips are at hand when we are ready to walk out the door. Records can be found at tax time. And we have a realistic schedule and an up-to-date To Do List to help us plan our days so that things get done in the right order in a timely manner.

An orderly, functional structure gives us the ability to dance more freely and gracefully to the music of the day. And this harmonious interplay lends us stability from moment to moment through the constant changes of our lives. This stability enables us to flow through changes rather than be knocked off our feet.

When we experience a sense of stability, we feel secure, and this security, in turn, fosters confidence and peace of mind. This state of confidence and peace allows us to access our creativity, enhances our ability to think clearly about our choices, and increases our capacity to cope, to prevail, and to thrive.

It is important that these structures be flexible and adaptable in order to support our work and our play, and to enhance our capacity to live constructive, compassionate and generous lives.

And it is essential that they be created with our values, our life purpose and our priorities in mind if they are to support us in our quest for an Extraordinary Life.

Excerpted from An Invitation to An Extraordinary Life
© 2009 Anacaria Myrrha ~ All Rights Reserved

“Self-discipline and contentment are useful.”

The Dalai Lama

When we hear the word discipline, the first thing that usually comes to mind is that someone is going make us do something we don’t want to do. Self-discipline often means that we are going to try to make ourselves do something that we don’t want to do.

Our Independent Spirit or Rebel Dragon is immediately on alert and moves into action to prevent this act of will being imposed upon us. We answer email, take out the garbage, feed the cat, get online — anything to keep from doing what someone else (in this case ourselves) has decided we should do. In the process, we lose the power to show up for ourselves. We lose the power to further the evolution and happiness of our piece of the life force with which we have been gifted and for which we are responsible.

Try this. Think of discipline as a derived from the word discipleship, which means to dedicate or to devote oneself to a chosen idea or movement. In this context, we act as free agents making choices about who we are, what we do, and how we do it in order to move toward a higher purpose or goal.

The willingness to discipline ourselves, to dedicate ourselves to a certain behavior, arises from the desire for a particular result or state of being. This willingness is supported by our morning spiritual practice during which we remember what is essential to nourish our lives; where we gather the strength of purpose to persevere. Where we fill our tank, refuel, for the journey of the day.

Self-discipline enables us to choose and work toward what is healthy and good for us and for our work in the world.

Remember, however, to be patient with yourself. Sometimes you will show up and sometimes you won’t. Be kind, be compassionate, but persevere. Keep turning your attention toward that which matters most to you. The rest will fall into its appropriate place, or it will fall away.

Excerpted from An Invitation to An Extraordinary Life
© 2009 Anacaria Myrrha ~ All Rights Reserved

“Don’t ask what the world needs.

Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it.

Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

Howard Thurman, American theologian

Clergyman and activist – 1900-1981

If we were to ask ten people to define a well-lived life we would probably get ten different answers.

Some people would measure success in money; others, by recognition of peers. For some it would be a well-designed and useful product; for others, a beautiful garden. Some would measure it in terms of good relationships, peace of mind or a contribution to saving the planet from ecological disaster. For most of us, it would be a combination of elements.

What combination do you envision when you picture yourself as a successful and worthy person? What do you see? What do you feel? What are the external circumstances by which you define a well-lived life? What are the internal qualities? Pick up a pencil and jot down a dozen words or a few sentences which describe this state of being.

Now think about this. What would you do if you could do anything you pleased with your life? What if you had all the money you needed, no relationship or geographical considerations, and your time belonged completely to you? How would you use your money? How would you spend your time? Just relax and let this fantasy blossom with no judgments or restrictions. Make some notes.

Is this the same picture that came into your mind when you visualized success or is it completely different? What does this tell you about your secret desires, about the ways in which you would seek pleasure and fulfillment if you were “free”? Is your “no restrictions” fantasy truly impossible? Or can you find ways to include some of its elements within the boundaries of what is practical and feasible in your life?

One of my clients, whose life path included taking care of a disabled child, said that if she had no restrictions she would go to China. “What’s in China?” I asked. “I don’t know,” she replied. “It just seems so exotic.” So we began to talk about ways she could incorporate some exotica into her life in San Francisco.

Now think about this. What are the things in your life you feel you should or ought to do? Are these shoulds and oughts based on an outdated or inherited value system? Do they belong to someone else? Can you release yourself from them? And how about the things you must do? Can you delegate some of them to someone else?

And lastly, what would you do with your time if you learned you had only a short time to live? Do you have unfinished business that needs to be taken care of?

In order to successfully direct our life force, we need to clarify and articulate our personal definition of a well-lived life. We need to examine our values and, based on what we find, decide what we really want to be up to in this lifetime. We need to eliminate, as much as possible, the things that have nothing to do with what is truly important to us.

And we should tidy up things that need tidying.

Most of all, we need to listen to the inner voice of the wise one within us. The one who, when given a choice, chooses what delights and satisfies; the one who chooses the path of the heart. The one for whom the work of the day is not a struggle but a joy.

Excerpted from An Invitation to An Extraordinary Life
© 1990, 2009 Anacaria Myrrha ~ All Rights Reserved

When you made your New Year’s resolutions last January, was “Get organized!” near the top of your list? Did you make the same resolution the year before? And the year before? Is your desk still stacked with magazines, catalogues, event schedules, junk mail and very important things to do? Are your closets still untidy and your photos stuffed in shoe boxes? Does your garage make you think that a bulldozer may be the only answer? Do you feel like you will never find the time to do the things you love to do?

Perhaps you are feeling that there is something wrong with you because you just can’t seem to get organized. You ought to be able to do it yourself. Right?

Well, not necessarily! It is very likely that you were never taught organizational skills. Our parents and grandparents were not faced with the information and paper onslaught of the current age, and schools did not address it in their curricula. Even now, with all the excellent organizing books available, the task of getting organized may seem overwhelming.

Don’t despair. You can create order in your life. Here are nine steps you can take to get you started. The first four deal with internal attitudes and address your willingness to make the necessary commitments. The next four involve external components which provide a format for creating systems. The last, but not the least, is where you can go for help.

THE FOUR WILLINGNESSES

1. To Commit the Time

To begin, you must be willing to commit the necessary time and attention to set up the systems. However many hours it takes, this investment will save you hundreds of hours (and a lot of anxiety) in the future. How long it takes will depend on the size of the task and the number of hours you can devote on any given day. Basic paper and workflow systems can usually be set up in a day, small filing systems in a few days. Large filing systems take longer. Projects, like photo albums or travel files, can be gathered in boxes and worked on one at a time, a method that helps defuse the sense of overwhelm. Once a system is in use, refinements and modifications can be made as necessary.

2. To Make the Decisions
Next, you must be willing to make the necessary decisions to set up the systems. If you turn the design over to someone else, you will wind up with a system that works for them but not necessarily for you. Your systems need to be created with attention to your particular priorities, patterns and style. And remember, a wrong decision is better than no decision (the techies say “Fail fast!”) because it moves you along in the process. When you discover what doesn’t work, simply make an adjustment.

3. To Embrace Change
You must also be willing to embrace new habits. If you find yourself saying, “That’s the way I’ve always done it,” or, “I’ve always been disorganized, unfocused, late, . . .” try a new approach. Begin to say, “I used to be disorganized, unfocused and late, but now I’m organized, focused, and on time.” Positive speaking, like positive thinking, is a very powerful tool and can be used to your advantage. With this approach, and the support of systems designed with ease of use as a factor, the transition to new habits can be easy. I always favor solutions that move along the “line of least resistance.” If the new way of doing things is easy, change can occur quickly and comfortably.

4. To Do the Maintenance
Because being organized is an ongoing process, you must be willing to commit regular time to maintain your systems. This is the piece we often put off because we are taking care of what seem to be more urgent tasks. However, when our infrastructure breaks down, the simplest tasks become difficult and time consuming as we search for bills to pay or our child’s school authorization form. With the constant flow of information and paper in our lives, and our changing personal and professional needs, it is essential to schedule and show up for maintenance time.

THE FOUR COMPONENTS

5. The Right Container
One reason disorder occurs is the lack of boundaries. Without boundaries, paper piles spill onto other paper piles. Pens and pencils, rubber bands and paper clips become a jumble in desk drawers. Children’s toys, kitchen utensils, tools and hardware mix together and are time consuming and annoying to manage and retrieve.

The right container is the first step in the solution. First, a container allows us to group “like things with like” either by kind or by function. Second, a container sets limits on the space the items inhabit and keeps them in their place.

Containers come in all shapes and sizes. File folders, file cabinets and desk racks contain papers. Drawers and drawer organizers contain tools. Planning notebooks and PDA’s contain appointments, tasks, contact information and resources. Even an increment of time can be used as a container; a task scheduled from 1:00 to 3:00 on Tuesday afternoon can be comfortably set aside until its time arrives.

Storage boxes and shelves, scrapbooks and photo albums all act as containers to set boundaries for objects and information. By grouping “like with like” in the right containers, we can take the first big step in creating order in our lives.

6. The Right Label
The second component is the right label on a container. A label tells us (and others) what belongs in the container. More important, it tells us (and others) what does not belong in the container. If honored, labels help us maintain our systems. Labels also remind us where things are and save us the time we might otherwise spend hunting for them.

7. The Right Procedure
A procedure should be thought up for maintaining things in your containers: what, who, when, how? An easy way to capture this information is to write down your ideas on post-it™ notes as you think of them. Then stick these in a binder or a small notebook.

When you’ve gathered enough, these notes can be put into documents by category: kitchen, office, playroom, garage, etc. (If useful, certain tasks can be assigned to certain people.)

These procedures can be kept in a house or office manual. They can also be placed “on location.” For instance, the steps for filing health insurance claims can be taped to the front of a vertical file rack containing folders of claims in their various stages of completion. Or, a page about how and where to put tools away can be tacked to the garage wall.

8. The Right Location
And lastly, the right location. If you have old IRS records in your desk drawers and resource information for a current project in a file cabinet with your ski equipment stacked in front of it, your project work will be difficult and your anxiety level high.

Put the IRS records in labeled, uniform-size storage boxes in the closet or a storage area, and hang the skis in the garage. Place your Current Projects and Action Files in a desk file drawer or in a vertical rack on your work surface. Place all the necessary tools for particular tasks in the area where those tasks are done.

GETTING HELP

9. The Professional Organizer
Most of us have mechanics to doctor our cars, accountants to prepare our tax returns, lawyers to negotiate our contracts, and housekeepers to tidy our nests. However, it is often difficult for us to ask for help with a task about which we feel out of control, embarrassed, or that we ought to be able to do ourselves. Remember, being organized is not a moral issue. It is a skill that can be learned.

The good news is, help is available. You can now hire a professional organizer to help you learn that skill. A professional organizer can offer creative problem solving and an objective view, provide you with practical solutions, and support you and keep you on track during the process of change.

When engaging a professional to help you, remember, this can be very intimate and sensitive work. This person is going to have access to your private life. Choose someone with whom you feel comfortable, someone you feel you can trust. If the person you initially hire turns our to be someone with whom you are uncomfortable, try again until you find the right person.

For an organizer in your area, contact the National Association of Professional Organizers at www.napo.net.

Best of luck!

Excerpted from An Invitation to An Extraordinary Life
© 1993, 2009 Anacaria Myrrha ~ All Rights Reserved